not to be dramatic but I'm happy for the first time in months

Dear EN502,

Now that it’s July, daytime temperatures in Missoula sit solidly in the high 90s, and will continue this way until late August. In the morning, once the sun rises over the mountaintops and its searing rays beam down into the valley, every moment outside feels like biblical hell on earth. The dry heat makes me feel the moisture getting sucked right out of my skin. This must be what it’s like on Arrakis (from Dune). Or like when Rango (from the movie Rango) falls out of the back of the car into the desert, and his skin immediately dries out and cracks and flakes off him in a little blizzard, and the little paper umbrella in his drink bursts into flame. Too hot to even sweat.

The little reprieve I have from the sun’s fiery gaze is to flee into the cool basement of my house or fling myself into the river. How lucky I am that my home has not one but three wild and beautiful rivers flowing through it, and is only a few blocks away from the best swimming hole on this side of town! There’s a natural sand beach, all the skipping stones I could want, and so many creatures to look at (fish, mostly). And when I’m in the river, there’s no place I’d rather be.

I love being home – I go outside when I can, see the people I’ve known all my life, know the mountains and rivers and trees with my whole heart, and feel the certainty that they know me back. Ever since I graduated college, wherever I go, I listen to see if the core of myself resonates at the same frequency as the place I’m in. Apart from Missoula, it hasn’t happened yet. I'll keep looking.

Other updates:

The emotional wound from March has closed a little. Still tender to the touch, but no longer open and festering. Despite the inevitable setbacks that come with growth, I’m hopeful for continued progress.

I bought a swimsuit top yesterday and feel scandalous because I’ve never been in the habit of wearing strappy tops. My shoulders!! They're showing!!! But it feels like exciting, new confidence to me because now a whole new world of clothing options has opened up!

Fall plans are still totally speculative. I’m not worried… yet.

I’m headed to China tomorrow. I’m sad to be leaving home again, but looking forward to the next big adventure.

And finally: my media consumption this year so far! Thank you Michaela for bringing it up, because I’ve been thinking about sharing for weeks. My abridged version is here, I’ll put the longer version in the recommendations and reviews tab for all my opinions.

Books, in order:

1. The Burning God, R.F.Kuang 

2. The Secret History, Donna Tart

3. Tell Me How It Ends, Valeria Luiselli – an essay.

4. Babel, R.F.Kuang

5. Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow, Gabrielle Zevin

6. Yellowface, R.F.Kuang

7. Turtles All the Way Down, John Green 

8. Ready Player One, Ernest Cline

9. Rangers Apprentice books 3 & 4, John Flanagan

10. The Three-Body Problem, Liu Ci Xin

11. She Who Became the Sun, Shelly Parker-Chan

12. The Princess Bride, William Goldman

Currently reading:

1. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte

2. The Priory of the Orange Tree, Samantha Shannon

3. Artemis, Andy Weir

4. The Dark Forest, Liu Ci Xin

5. Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov

I also bought a Switch last month, and am having a GREAT time playing games! However I went to the eye doctor yesterday and he told me I have something called exophoria, due to eye strain and fatigue from excess screen-staring. I now have to build eye PT (who would've thought that was a thing?) into my daily life. If anyone is interested in the exercises, hit me up.

Games:

Little Nightmares, Breath of the Wild, Hades, Undertale

Podcasts:

Diss and Tell, Dungeons and Daddies, some of the NPR ones.

The next time I update, I'll be in China!

With teeth and love!

Hanna

 The Rango scene I'm talking about