Driving My Own Bus

 Hello EN502!

I am writing from Stowe, Vermont. A foot of snow fell on Thursday and I am enjoying the winter I've been missing in Boston. Right now I am looking at Mount Mansfield, the tallest peak in Vermont. The snow on top is bright in the sun. 

My life has felt so very mine the last few weeks. I found an apartment to move into in the fall, which I am very excited about. The apartment has yellow walls and a teal couch and the green line is just a step outside the door. I know the move will be life-changing, not just because it will be a new space, but because I will not be stressed about commuting and will have more time to spend with friends. I am excited to get to know my roommates too. I worked with one of them at the bookstore, and she is such a force of joy. I look forward to being surrounded by such positivity. 

After spending five years trying to convince myself to become a therapist, I gave up. That’s not the right phrase. I’m trying something new. I am reminding myself that trying something new is NOT giving up. I have always tried to unite my love for literature, history, and art with helping people and I came to a semi-recent epiphany that there is a really easy way to do this. Libraries are great cultural and community centers. They are were people come for answers and they exist in a multitude of formats and locations. A degree in library science feels like the great union I have been searching for. I have done seven or so informational interviews (and had a lovely chat with Sam!) about libraries and my goals and nothing has felt so right. I am putting in an application for a Fall 2024 start at Simmons. Fingers crossed it all works out. 

In other news, I am finally learning how to drive. A task I put off for too long for too many odd reasons (mostly anxiety). Eventually I got so frustrated not driving that my anxiety went away (funny how our brains work). Driving makes me feel empowered and I have learned that its okay to not be ready for something at sixteen. I am glad to be driving now, at twenty-three, when I was ready for the challenge. 

I started Invisalign at the end of March! The roots of my teeth are in motion (and I didn’t have to get braces again! Don’t know how I pulled that off frankly). It will be a long year of dental surgery and sets of plastic fitted to my teeth, but at least its finally happening. 

Whew! Already that feels like such a dump of information. Despite all of these little life changes, I think the most striking one is the hardest to explain. For years I spent a lot of time writing about a friendship of mine that fell apart. The loss always felt too complicated to get over. A well of guilt and grief that existed in the back of my mind. Suddenly, maybe a year ago, I did get over it. Or at least made peace with it. The emotions no longer felt as ragged. That happens as we grow. Reading Yiyun Li’s “Dear Friend, From My Life I Write To You in Your Life” helped. 

ECLIPSE BREAK

A pause in programing, because I just experienced the total eclipse! (the reason why I am hiding from the world in Stowe,VT) It feels fitting to experience extreme natural occurrence while making peace with my own existence. 

I sat in the snow for the full eclipse, watching as the moon crept over the sun. The sound of a bard owl was persistent. I am not sure I have ever felt awe like it before. 

BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING

Anyways, in a turn of events. That relationship was healed. On a random Monday, six years later. I am glad to have found peace before this conclusion, but I am grateful for such a kind conclusion too. Maybe I’ll finally stop writing essays about the Charles River. 

Cheers,

Michaela