September Without School

Greetings EN502!

I am writing to you from my kitchen table with a fresh cup of tea. I have been trying to write this post for a while now, but I have not lent myself enough time for reflection. 

I have just come out of an interview for a job I would really like. It is competitive and I am keeping my expectations low, but it is the first real lead I have had on this job hunt and it is hard not to daydream. 

The job search is horrid. I wish I had better things to say about it, but it is definitely worse than the college decision process (at least for me). While applying to college, I had the confidence of a white man in business. I felt accomplished and qualified (whether that be the truth or not). I am trying to emulate the same energy for these job applications, but I just feel like I was more interesting on paper before I got to college. 

Objectively, this is probably not true. Especially given all of the personal growth I have gone through during my time at university. I would not give up the relationships I built or the personhood I developed for the confidence I had at seventeen, but it is hard not to romanticize the past when the present is frustrating. 

That all being said, I am lucky that finding a job is the only truly difficult thing I am managing right now (and maybe the commute into Boston. Thank you MBTA for being terrible. I know you are trying your best) I have a gorgeous community of humans in my life and I have gotten to explore so much this summer! The first week of September I spent split between Austin and Maine, which was a stunning contrast of location. 

In conclusion, this phase of adulthood is bizarre. I love and hate the freedom I have. I miss class discussion and taking notes. I long for the security my friends with full-time jobs have, but I also bathe in the luxury of having a random Tuesday off to make tea and catch up on life. 

It is comforting to know I am not alone in the weirdness of this age. The posts on this blog, the conversations I have with my friends, the inquiries from adults  —  they all revolve around juggling the future while existing in the now. 

This month the Harvard Map Collection opened an exhibit on fantasy maps. It includes everything from the Land of Narnia to the maps for video games. I want to go, because I know well the magic of opening a book with a map on the inside cover. I am nostalgic for how fully I would exist in those fantastical worlds. My favorite part of the maps at the beginning of a book was the review of what was to come. Looking at the map, I knew I would encounter that forest or those hills as the story progressed. I do not have a map of my own life. I am so aware of how little I know about my future, but I cannot wait to find out what whimsical forests I might encounter. 

With teeth and love and a bit of existential angst, 

Michaela Blue

P.S. Re: BAD COMMUTE. Does anyone know of Spring Semester sublets near BU? And/or apartments for rent in the area?