Another tooth essay

Throughout second semester, when people asked what city---or even which coast---I was going to be living in after graduation, I never had an answer. My plans had shifted when I decided to take a gap year to apply to law school. Now, I wasn't sure whether to pursue a full-time job so I could have "solid post-grad plans" or move back home to study for the LSAT full-time over the summer. 

If I went home, I'd be living in suburban San Diego, a major shift from what I had known to be an uninterrupted, East Coast city life for the past two years. If I pursued a job, I could stay in Boston and claw back some of that time COVID had stolen from me. Or, I could apply to jobs in any number of cities, trying them each on for size. All of the possibilities made my head hurt, and I honestly spent most of second semester avoiding thinking about any of it.

One thing I did know, though, was that I had a dentist appointment the day after I was going to fly back to San Diego. That had been in my Google calendar ever since winter break, when I got an "express" set of Invisalign to fix the effects of having had a broken retainer for the past several months. This was the third time in my life I was getting braces, but the first time I'd ever gotten Invisalign. Since my course was running "express," my teeth would supposedly be fixed in just ten weeks.

Every week during second semester, I changed my Invisalign trays to the next tightest mold, shaping my smile closer and closer to how it would look on Graduation Day. It felt strange---I was literally changing the structure of my bones to create a New Me. And that new me would make her debut on the most notable day of my life thus far.

Another thing I remembered---but tried not to lament as I took graduation photos---was that my dentist promised she'd fix my two chipped front teeth once my Invisalign came off. The teeth weren't that dramatically chipped (mostly a product of anxious tooth-grinding), but it was certainly noticeable in photos. Still, I was never really embarrassed of my uneven teeth. I never thought they made me ugly; I just thought they made me look like me. Usually, I would get annoyed when my dentist offered to fix them.

This time, though, the stakes were higher, because I was getting retainers made. Unless I wanted to waste hundreds of dollars on inaccurate molds, I would have to decide for once and for all what shape my teeth were going to be. When I finally agreed to "fix" them, I felt like a sellout. I ditched my teeth, the ones that looked the way they did only because they belonged to me, in favor of some boring pretty teeth.

After months of consternation over whether I would feel inauthentic with Nice Teeth, I went with the path of least resistance when I let my dentist smooth them out. I decided I was okay with it because I had all of second semester to mourn my Real Teeth. And I'd even included them in my grad photos, so they would forever be part of my image during this time period. (And, I hated to admit it, but I instantly loved my Nice Teeth the second I saw them in the mirror).

I've been blessed and cursed with very unlucky teeth. I take meticulous care of them, and still, they always cause me problems. It's like that for much of my family. (For example, all four of my mom's front teeth are crowns---her real teeth were knocked out in an accident when she was a kid). 

Unfortunately for my insurance, my next trip to the dentist is always imminent. I've had braces three times, two root canals, two crowns, all four wisdom teeth removed, and more cavity fillings than I can count on both hands. I broke one of my teeth while flossing, so I had a gap between molars for several months. I broke my retainer (and still wore half of it) while I was away at college. I gave myself irreversible gum recession by brushing too hard.

I hope my teeth don't cause me too many problems in the near future. I will be home in San Diego for at least the next couple of months, studying to take the LSAT in August and working on my law school applications. Since I'm home, I still live within walking distance of my dentist. I'd like not to see her until my next cleaning, but like any of my other plans, I'm sure that could change at any moment.

With teeth, peace, and love!

Anika